Living in His abundant joy is the only way I can function. Yesterday was a crazy Sunday, with so much going on at church, and I had a lot of responsibilities. There was a point where I had about a two hour break between one thing and the other, and I was driving home thinking that all I wanted to do was go take a nap and chill out for the rest of the day. I felt completely empty of myself and felt like I had nothing left to pour out. And then, it hit me. That is the exact feeling I had almost every day for the six months while I was in Uganda, and it is the exact feeling I had been longing to feel again. Why would I want to feel that way? Tired, unmotivated, unqualified, and empty? Why was it a good thing for me to feel that way? The answer is so simple...because when I feel all those things, the only thing I can do is turn to God for my strength.
In Uganda, I relied on Him so much every single day. I felt a need for Him more there than I ever have before in my life. When I got back, I realized that I missed that. I missed truly feeling like I needed Him, I was longing for my lifestyle to be such that it required me to rely on Him. So then, there I was driving home, and this was coming together in my mind, when all of a sudden I got really excited! I realized I was in the same position of needing Him, and it was so refreshing. I realized I didn't have to have anything to pour out. I didn't have to feel, or even be qualified and adequate. I didn't have to rely on my own strength. God was ready to fill me with Him, so He could pour out of me. He was ready to enable me to do everything I needed to do. He was ready to overflow my cup with HIS JOY as my strength. And that was exactly what happened. Once I let Him in and admitted that I needed Him in every single way, He did not disappoint. He was so faithful, and He provided everything I needed. Nothing I did the rest of the day was in my own strength. He truly did fill me with His joy. I want to keep living every day in a way that requires me to rely on Him. I want to live in a way that doesn't make sense without Him.
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you." -Isaiah 41:13
