You Get To Be The One

Well hello

Little baby

Your eyes have never seen the sun

You should know

Little baby

That I am the lucky one

I get to be the one to hold your hand

I get to be the one

Through birthdays and broken bones

I'll be there to watch you grow

I get to be the one

Don't feel alone now

Little baby

Do you hear me singing you a song

I can't wait to show you

Little baby

How to crawl

How to walk

And how to run

I get to be the one to hold your hand

I get to be the one

Through birthdays and broken bones

I'll be there to watch you grow

I get to be the one

How does someone so small

Hold my heart so tightly

I don't even know you

I love you completely

This song is called "I Get To Be The One" by JJ Heller, and it brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. The reason for the tears used to be because I lost all of this when we lost our baby boy. But that changed when I was listening to it once, and I heard Jesus say "I get to be the one". So now I cry because I know my boy is in Jesus' arms, and it's an overwhelming thought. Jesus is the one holding his hand. Jesus is the one teaching him about Himself. My boy is in Heaven, and even though I don't understand, I can rest in that truth. I picture him sitting on David's lap, hearing the Psalms right from the mouth of the author and being inspired to write his own. I picture him at the feet of Noah, Ruth, Daniel, and Peter, listening intently to their stories and being captivated by them. I picture him learning how to ride horses and galloping across who knows what kind of amazing terrain. I picture him totally at peace and with so much knowledge of God's love for him, and that brings me peace too. Jesus, YOU get to be the one to hold his hand. Thank you for the hope you give.

Weep With Me

"No matter what I feel, I know in my heart you are good
I will put my hope in who you are

I was confused by my grief and looking for an explanation
I felt numb and didn't want to be with you

Ignoring your comfort would have left me hopeless
I was confused and in shock and needed you more than ever

You held me close to your heart and let me weep
You have shown me your heart and how you comfort the broken

For now until forever, you will be with me
With eyes fixed on Jesus, hope soars high

It is so refreshing to be close to you
You are my strong refuge and I will proclaim your goodness."

I wrote this a few weeks ago, as I was going through a study of Psalm 73. The title of this section of the study was, "Hope When Life Seems Unfair". Life definitely seemed unfair, and a lot of days it still does. I do trust in Him, but I don't understand. When we experience loss and grief, that is when He so badly wants us to run to His arms for comfort. He loves us so much, and wants to weep with us. I love the song by Rend Collective, "Weep With Me". God loves it when we are honest with Him. He is right there, ready to comfort us and also provide joy through every situation.

Mother's Day is a beautiful day to celebrate some of the most influential people in our lives. But it is an extremely difficult day for so many. For those who have lost their mothers, those who have lost their children, those who long to be mothers. It's days like this which increase our longing for Heaven, when there will be no sorrow or loss. Everything will be perfect. There will be pure joy, no longer mixed with emotions.

This Mother's Day, I want to celebrate my incredible mom, my mother in law, and all my grandmas. All while keeping my focus on Heaven throughout the day, and focusing on the joy God so graciously provides.

Psalms of Lament

Joy is something that can be a hard subject. I know what it is to be sad. Somehow, in the midst of grief, God is able to provide a deep joy that could only come from Him. His joy truly is my strength, especially in times of trouble. While this is fully true, it is possible to be sad at the same time. I have been learning recently about Psalms of lament. I picked up a Bible study a while back that goes into detail with different Psalms. The one I just finished was Psalms 42-43. In this Psalm, the writer feels far from God. They are longing to be near Him again, thirsting for Him (Psalm 42:1-2). The thing that impacted me the most in this passage was how honest the writer is with God. He doesn't hide how he is feeling. He opens his heart up and pours out every honest thought he has. Reading through and studying this passage encouraged me to be open and honest with God as well. God already knows my thoughts, so there is no use hiding from Him. He so badly wants to wrap me in His arms and comfort me. I have had a season of not feeling close to Him, and I was experiencing exactly what the writer was describing. I felt like I could read this Psalm as a personal prayer, almost word for word. It's funny in a way, because this is a Psalm that I would have skimmed over just a few years ago. I used to be drawn to Psalms of joy and victory! But Psalms like this one are just as powerful. I love how, even in the midst of honesty and struggle, the writer still proclaims God's goodness and expresses praise. Yes, there is sorrow and difficulty, but there is victory in proclaiming truth. So in a way, this is a Psalm of joy and victory! I am growing closer to God every day, especially when I let Him in and let Him be my comforter. He is such a good father, and I am so thankful for His faithfulness.